Hands Dirty

I’m a firm believer that most answers are ascertained by “getting back to basics.” It’s unlikely that a problem, no matter how high-minded or convoluted it appears, can’t be thought through by being dialed back and broken down to its elements. I have learned that to be true in every field of work I’ve found myself in throughout my career, but I have failed to apply it much to my life as a whole until very recently.

From the time I entered college, I’ve been playing the field, as it were. Fielding such questions and recommendations as: What field of study are you pursuing? Make sure you get internships in your chosen field. Seek out leaders in the field for mentorship. What field of work are you in? How does that pertain to your field? And now, after more than a decade of fixating on how I’m contributing to or how I’m being distracted by my work, I made the choice to step back for a moment and look out over the rolling hills of my journey of life and employment thus far to see what the field I’m so intent on tending looks like. And it’s… well, it’s eclectic.

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have tried my hand in so many varied industries that I have never once in my career been bored or in search of something to learn. I have become educated in the elements that influence all industries to either thrive or to shrivel (Rule 1: Intimidation as a leadership tactic is a short-term fix to a problem that doesn’t yet exist) and have had the opportunity to witness the disparate ways in which genius and mediocrity conceal and reveal themselves across professions. The industries I’ve found myself in are not alike on the surface, but tied to one another with the interlocking vegetation of communication and passion. I have covered so much ground that my field of work is expansive and filled with cornflower memories and oaken lessons that sprout amongst the green and wheat of day-to-day activities. I’m proud of this field and I can point out both the mundane and breathtaking flora to observers who might be interested (scripts read, events planned, yachts purchased, impossible demands met and surpassed) but, in a fashion that is 100% me, I can’t tell you how a fuckin’ thing grows.

This is mostly due to my nature. I can apply my hand to the surface level and make magic. I can build stories and worlds and meaning out of whatever is presented to me. I will do research into the history of paste and tell you just how miraculous it is and draw endless comparisons between the opaque goo and the stuff in life that binds us to one another, but I won’t trouble myself to find out how the stuff is made. I’m not interested in the making, never have been… until now.

I have channeled the energy and madness of my 20s into building a life, making meaning out of events, and falling in love with what has become mine. Now that I am gifted with the relative calm and concurrent decentralization of needs of my 30s (my kid’s needs are my needs now and dang if that doesn’t shake things up) I need to channel this new current of energy into the much-avoided act of gardening these fields I’ve plowed with sheer force of will. I have to dig into the soil and figure out how each facet of life and career can benefit from sun, shade, irrigation, and compost in differing amounts at differing times. And this is a challenge for me, because I feel like life stalls in the slowing down, that irons were meant to be housed in a blazing fire for all eternity. But sometimes you have to plunge the hardened iron into the earth and see what underscores everything you’re working with.

So, that’s what I’m planning to do. I’m planning a season of investigation, of tilling, of looking deeper at all my myriad interests and dreams to uncover the heart of my passions and motivations. And, I’m looking forward to it. It means slowing down, but it honors exactly what I extol as a virtue: breaking things down to the elemental level to solve and get ahead of potential snags. It’s just that this time, instead of seeking out what will allow for burning brighter and forging ahead, I’m securing my boundaries and exploring the depth of my doings. Here’s to a year of getting my hands dirty and learning to enjoy it.